When I got back home last night, this was not what I was expecting. 

I was on the phone with Lane while he packed his house up when I saw the headline on the Plainsman. 

"Hang on, I need to read this." 

"What's up?" 

"It says a student was found dead on campus. Hang on." 

I read: 

A 22-year-old Auburn University student was found dead in his car on campus, according to a Police report. Scott Alan Kincaid graduated from Auburn High School and was attending AU, where it is reported he would be attending veterinary school in the fall.

According to lieutenant Joe Morris of the Auburn Police Department, it is believed the death was a suicide, although an investigation and autopsy are still in progress.

I don't know how long I stared at it. 

Then I got up and started pacing. 

At some point I hit the door with my free hand.

Hard.  

At least that's what the bruise that has since bloomed on the heel of my right hand and wrist says.

"DAMMIT SCOTT"

I was still on the phone. 

"What's going on?"

"I know him." 

"What do you mean you know him?"

"The student, Scott, I know him." 

"Oh shit." 

"I met him years ago through my friend Kelly, they grew up together, we tailgate together during football season, he was really involved with his church and his family, he just celebrated three years with his fiance, Lauren, last month, he's the person I called when that guy was standing on my front porch yelling at my house trying to break in, he was getting married, he was going to be a vet. Shit, Lauren! Oh god." 

"Did you...have any idea?" 

"No. None. He's an amazing guy." 

"Do you need to call somebody?" 

"It's too late tonight, it's after midnight where Kelly is, I'll call her in the morning." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes. I'm sorry if I don't sound appropriately upset yet. This is unreal." 

"No, it's okay, let it hit you when it hits you. I imagine you're still in shock, I mean, I've never opened up the news and had it directly apply to me."

"Can we just talk about something else for a while?"  

"Yeah, lets do that." 

A while later I got off the phone. 

I tried to sleep.

Around 2, I texted Kelly

"Hey, I just heard about Scott. How are you holding up? I know you guys were close." 

This morning I woke up to:

"You guys were too. I drove to auburn for the funeral yesterday and I'm still in shock. It's hard..." 

It's hard. It's unbelievable. 

There aren't any appropriate words, Scott, but you know that already.

You are so loved, and I'm so sorry that none of us could offer you more help. 

In three hours, I'll be in Yuma. 

In six, I'll be in San Diego! 

It's California day! I've never been. This is so exciting :)